The Adventure Continues (Part 2)

I hopped out of bed with only one agenda that day. I had to keep writing. With no outline, no map, but only a vision that sparked every sentence, I continued to write.

Days turned into weeks as chapters formed, but I felt fragile…like I was made of glass. The rocks of life could easily shatter me, and I had yet to overcome some of my anxieties. I still struggled with speaking to people.

I eventually graduated college (glad that’s over!), married the beautiful Ashley Hickerson (no regrets!) and moved into our first house. All along, still writing and battling anxiety.

My passion for LOTK was consistent as the seasons changed. I can do this! One more page! One more chapter! But as the story progressed, doubt slowly began to settle over me.

It began with a single thought. Why am I doing this? I ignored the question, until others began to appear. Is all this work really necessary? Rational thoughts eventually joined doubt in their assault against LOTK. I got my healing. Sure, I have anxiety, but at least I’m not depressed. And maybe that’s good enough.

I stopped writing when the rough draft was nearly complete, and I emersed myself with all things fun. Late nights at the movies with friends! Shopping at the mall with Ashley! I indulged myself beyond the capacity to contain it, and for the moment, LOTK was a distant memory.

I wasn’t necessarily “sinning” but Christ was in the passenger seat instead of driving.  Entertainment had its hand on the wheel. I was having fun between the bouts of anxiety and unknowingly developing “idols” to sooth my anxiety.

Games, comic books, and collectables were becoming my source of joy. I would lose myself for hours and reemerge invigorated with the false sense that something great had been accomplished. All seemed well, until life hit me with a small rock between the eyes, and I began to crack.

“Minimize mistakes to maximize results. “

Paul A. Candelaria