Light and Hope

The morning came sooner than I wanted. My first thoughts were about the previous night, but they were quickly overshadowed. There was something different about me—something off.

My head was foggy, and my body was heavy. Was I tired? I-I didn’t feel tired. And why was the sunlight so dim. Why did my vision seem narrow. Well, I had a rough night...I figured. Maybe I could walk it off.

I made breakfast, but I wasn’t hungry. The food didn’t even taste the same. I finished my meal and went about my day. It wasn’t until the afternoon I realized I was depressed.

Oh, well, no big deal. This too shall pass, so I assumed. The day finally ended, but I was still depressed. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month. I was still depressed.

There are different depths of depression. I’m not sure how deep I was, but it was deep. Nights were always more difficult. It was dark, and I was alone. I felt heavy, like a large, wet blanket had been thrown over me. My only comfort was sleep, because in sleep, I felt nothing…until I awoke.

I wouldn’t wish depression on my worst enemy…let alone myself. Some may ask…can’t you just snap out of it? Just think about something else. Look how good your life is!

Everything is filtered through depression. Thoughts and life circumstances did little to reduce the heavy load. The depression was all-consuming, and I still had the anxiety to deal with.

Christmas was nearly upon me, and the lights flickering on the trees appeared dull. I couldn’t even laugh while watching the Elf movie. This was the worst Christmas ever, but in the darkest time of the year there was light and hope…somewhere. I blindly walked out the door to find it.

The Light is closer than you think.