Never Give Up

Suffering with anxiety/depression is absolutely miserable. It is an agonizing journey with the same destination each day. Fear. Misery. Loneliness. Despair.

By this point, I had learned to force a smile on my face, but I was in constant sorrow. I was grieving the death of my once happy life, while desperately wishing to return.

If only I had a clock that could rewind time, a magic well or a genie…I could fix everything. I could return to normal. I could feel something other than depression, or never feel anything again.

I thought about ending my life on the road that night, but my life is not my own. I lived (and still live) for the people around me, and my God…whom I’ve been told can do anything.

If that were true, why was He allowing my agony to continue. Maybe it was His fault I felt this way…but isn’t He full of love and compassion? Could He heal me if I asked? Ask (I chuckled) …why not. I’ve tried everything else. This was my final move.

I gazed into the clouded sky, from my vehicle, and shouted, “God, just end this!” I figured I wouldn’t get a response. But oh, was I ever, ever wrong!

Up to this point in the blog, I have never told anyone, except Ashley, about the extent of my struggles. Those who know me are shocked I had suffered so quietly.

In truth, and despite my knowledge in psychology, I didn’t know who to trust for help. They could lead me down the wrong path. What if I became addicted to medication? So many fears…so much anxiety.

There’s also another secret I have guarded closely. Many have asked, but I have only answered with a half-truth. How did Legacy of the Kings come about? Well, I’m finally ready confess. It may sound crazy, but it’s as real as the words on this page.

“Some of the best treasures lie at the end of the most difficult journeys.”

Paul A. Candelaria