Going Under

The company began pilot programs with nearby schools, along with multiple conferences. There were numerous speakers, including myself, who explained the books to teachers and principals.

The public presentations were nerve-racking. I presented the material with my original anxieties, but I had learned to maintain my composure. We pushed to market the product, and Anthony even traveled overseas. There were promises of sales, but they never manifested.

Success can be measured in numerous ways. I had my own office! I was a published author! I was also a motivational/public speaker, but the high was wearing off. The company needed sales to stay in the black. I needed sales to get out of the red!

I once again contemplated quitting, but I was too deep. The promises were too good. The anxieties of life continued to swirl, until finally reaching their crescendo.

I was sitting at a red light while pondering the situation. Ashley wasn’t having any luck finding long-term work. Our vehicles needed gas. Bills were due. I began to feel hopeless.

The light turned green, but I was suddenly in my room staring at my ceiling fan again. I recognized the oncoming panic attack and tried controlling my feelings. I was able to somewhat calm myself, but as the night fell…something more began to creep over me.

My head became foggy, and my body started to feel heavy. I tried to shake it off as my vision narrowed. “No, not this again. Anything but this.” I was slipping into a black abyss.

The dense darkness wrapped itself around me like an old, dirty coat. Depression was now driving, and anxiety was in the passenger seat. Fear and doubt threw me into the trunk and then jumped into the car. I was about to go on a ride I didn’t want to take.

“Danger is often found in the deep places of the world, but the shallows can be just as treacherous.”

Paul A. Candelaria